Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my god I love twenty year old dicks
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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