Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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