when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
