I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
