i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
