I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
