You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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