Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize