During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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