I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
