Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
