WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
