Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
