bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
