There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
