I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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