when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
