so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
