My liver just broke up with me...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
