Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
