Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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