the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
