Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
