I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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