i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
