you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
