so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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