my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
