I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
