You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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