mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
