I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
