I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
