The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
