When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
