we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
