if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
