i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
