I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
