At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
