if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
