and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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