I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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