I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
