Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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