i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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