I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
