So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
