but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
