i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Houston, we have a squirter
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
